“We Will Not Be Attacking Eastasia Prior to the Midterm Elections!”
“I’m the biggest Big Brother. BY A LOT!”
Waiting for the Great Pumpkin, by Samuel Beckett
“Nothing to be done. Good grief…”
“An Exclusive Interview with White House Press Secretary Katie Zacharia”
A very brief conversation.
“Kimberly Guilfoyle’s Farewell Address, in the Style of Her RNC Speeches”
The best is yet to come! Like my presidential pardon…”
“This Act of Terrorism Must Be Met by Our Own Act of Terrorism!”
“Ain ‘t that America?!”
“The MAGA-Approved, Trump-Branded Sociopolitical Talking Points Kit”
“All you’re doing is negating me!”
“No, I’m not!”
“Thank You for Your Interest in the Role of ‘Insurrectionist Cult Leader’”
A post-apocalyptic society has a new job opening!
“We Hereby Disavow the Man We Previously Disavowed in 2015 and 2021!”
“We really, really mean it this time!”
“You’ve Won an All-Expenses-Paid Trip to Equatorial Guinea!”
“We’re gonna do this Price is Right-style!”
“We’re the Framers of the U.S. Constitution, and We’re A-OK with Everything Happening Right Now!”
“It’s cool. Seriously.”
“Some Other Suggestions for A.I. Rebranding from President Trump”
Another thing for him to rename!
“Is There Anything We Can Do to Get You to Contribute?! Aside From Stopping These Texts?”
“Don’t you care about our democracy?! Aren’t you tired of screaming solicitations?!”