Corey Pajka 12/12/25 Corey Pajka 12/12/25

“Coming Soon From the Makers of Capitalism: Plutocracy!”

“Government of the wealthy, by the wealthy, and for the wealthy!”

Corey Pajka 11/20/25 Corey Pajka 11/20/25

“Does My Renters’ Insurance Cover Unlawful FBI Raids?”

“This is a unique situation. For now, anyway. Please bear with me.”

Corey Pajka 8/30/25 Corey Pajka 8/30/25

“Prominent World Leaders Who Are More Excited About Taylor Swift Weigh in on the Russia-Ukraine Conflict”

“Would it be worth having her come in to broker peace?”

Corey Pajka 8/29/25 Corey Pajka 8/29/25

“I’d Like to Make it Clear We Are All “Never Trumpers!’” – A Statement from St. Peter the Apostle

“His ascendance to the presidency is a ‘sign from God?!’ Yeah. Fuck that noise.”

Corey Pajka 8/21/25 Corey Pajka 8/21/25

“I’m an Infectious, Formerly Non-Existent Disease, and I’ve Never Been Prouder to be an American!”

“It’s boom time for us airborne pathogens, and we have you, the good ol’ U.S. of A, to thank for it!”

Corey Pajka 8/10/25 Corey Pajka 8/10/25

“I Hereby Disavow Any Association With Dean Cain” – A Statement from Superman

“Despite my durability, this has become a pain in my ass!”

Corey Pajka 5/5/25 Corey Pajka 5/5/25

“I Woke Up in Both Un Chien Andalou and a Garfield Comic. I Hate Mondays…”

“The cat has emptied the contents of the refrigerator…”

Corey Pajka 5/3/25 Corey Pajka 5/3/25

“Nice Place to Visit, But I Wouldn’t Want to Live There Due to My Deep-Seated Personal Prejudices”

“Rather than broaden my horizons, I’ll sate myself with factually inaccurate swill.”

Corey Pajka 4/18/25 Corey Pajka 4/18/25

“This Was Not a Good Friday for Us” – A Statement from the Apostles of Jesus Christ

“It would be great to establish the largest religious movement in the history of the world and be canonized as the ones who were there when it all started, but who are we kidding?”

Corey Pajka 4/3/25 Corey Pajka 4/3/25

“We Will Make Broadway Great Again with a Taxpayer-Funded Revival of Cats!” – Donald Trump Issues a New Executive Order

“I worship at the altar of pretentious, aesthetically unappealing eighties stage musicals!”

Corey Pajka 7/6/24 Corey Pajka 7/6/24

“It’s Time for an Overdue Land Acknowledgement: We Built This City on Rock and Roll”

“Sifting through the detritus of half-remembered bands and musicians brought tears to our eyes and shudders of embarrassment as we realized, ‘Hey. I had that album.’”

Corey Pajka 1/15/24 Corey Pajka 1/15/24

Let’s Celebrate the Achievements of Martin Luther King Jr., Even as I Work to Fundamentally Destroy Them – A Statement from Your Company CEO

“Enjoy those adorable civil rights of yours while they last!”